Like chocolate covered oreos which are so gross that they’re delicious, The Bachelor Australia takes “so bad it’s good” to a whole new level.
It is the secret (and not so secret) vice of intelligent women worldwide looking to tune out for an hour or so and become engrossed in the odd displays of female behaviour. But fear not, this viewing displeasure is not all in vain, here’s a look at 5 things I’ve learnt from The Bachelor Australia.
1. When entering a room, an eligible man must be met with a raucous round of applause from 20 odd scantily clad women jumping up and down like 5 year olds at a birthday party. Except they are hoping to go home with more than just a lolly bag and a balloon animal if you know what I mean (wink wink).
2. If one has strong, compulsive tendencies towards jealously, your first thought should be to go on a show where 20 other woman are launching themselves at your prized man. Because the resulting crying, bitch slapping and breakdowns over who thought “doing this wouldn’t be so hard” makes for boring television. Said no one ever.
3. One must start preparing long before filming for all matter of outdoor activities. Prowess in hiking, drag racing, paragliding and bungee jumping will be required as will the ability to complete all aforementioned activities in heels and without losing any of your 87 false eyelashes.
4. To play it cool and wait for the opposite party to fall love with you, you should loiter in dark corners and and awkwardly wait outside bathrooms hoping to “run” into them. Alternatively is it scientifically proven that writing them a poem will cement their love for you. Or a song. Oh yes a song will seal the deal every time.
5. To always remember that real dates are dinner and a movie. Not a dinner cooked by a famous chef, or a meeting with a movie star. Too many times has the words “this is the most romantic date a man has ever taken me on before” been uttered on the show. This doesn’t count as the most romantic date you have been on with this man, this is the most romantic date you have been on with a television company and their lucrative budget. Naw, now that’s one for the memory box!
So despite it’s obvious 57 shortcomings as a quality viewing experience, as you can see there are some lessons to be taken from The Bachelor.
There are those who will say it is objectification of women, discriminatory against anyone who isn’t white and leggy and an overpromise to women everywhere of how real romance is born but these are all minor really. I say get all up in the couch with your popcorn and a vino and sit back.
There is no easier way to kill some brain cells.
For those who haven’t already discovered the joys check out Rosie Waterland’s episode recaps of the current Bachelor Australia season here. If they don’t make you wet your pants then you must have been doing some serious kegels.
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Much love and till later!