Some pairings are a match made in heaven. Peaches and cream, summer and sand and me and Prince Harry. Ok I’ll correct that statement, it’s strawberries and cream not peaches. Similarly, some pairings are not meant to be, but we have learned to adapt; especially when it comes to relationships. Sure he likes Star Wars, you thought Obe Wan Kenobi was a Japanese appetizer. You love indulging in a pedicure, he doesn’t understand why you would PAY a stranger to touch your feet.
Although tedious, these differences of opinion can be part of the magic in a relationships (opposites attract anyone?) What is not magical is when you stop seeing eye to eye on the big ticket items – like each other’s deepest dreams and most out-there goals usually reserved for that “journal” he claims he doesn’t keep.
So you want to be a pilot but your partner is terrified of flying. He wants to be a pro golfer but you think he’ll never be good enough and don’t want to burst his Tiger Woods shaped fantasy bubble. Hmm this is a quite a tizzy you have found yourselves in but there are a couple of things that can help your other half get on board with your dreams.
1. The C Word – Compromise
When you enter into a relationship you pledge to remember this bond consists of more than just one mind. This reality can be particularly difficult for my homegirls with a strong independent streak or those used to being single. Sure the cuddles are great but now you gotta share the bed.
The easiest way to approach a situation where you will need to compromise is to be prepared to give and take. She want to be a fashion designer in Milan but his dream to work in mining doesn’t fit so well amongst the Prada of the Italian mecca of style. So perhaps you decide to relocate your designing dream to Melbourne so your man can get all dirty in the nearby rural mines. (attention back here ladies, I see where your minds are going…)
2. Stop Making Them Your Head Cheerleader
Everyone loves having a cheerleader. I would love an entire squad on hand ready to pep me up every time I hit the “its too hard button”. They could even write and perform my own personal cheer. Like a version of the banana, nanna, fo fanna song but more inspirational.
Of course it is imperative that they respect your new found passion for checkers or friands or flower arranging but I’m not scared to put it out there – they don’t have to be your head cheerleader. I really enjoy blogging and sharing my writing with others. My other half doesn’t really know what a blog is and thinks the books in the bookstore wrote themselves (well except for J K Rowling, he is very intimately acquainted with her authorship, would most definitely leave me for her should the opportunity arise.)
After spending a while trying to force him to get excited about my passion, I stopped and considered. He is a civil engineer who finds roads, and footpaths and car parks endlessly fascinating. I will never find these things fascinating. After this realisation, I took off my hypocrite hat and just let it go.
Don’t force someone to cheer a song they don’t know the words to.
Merging two lives together is never easy. There will be arguments, and words had that might come from a place of regret, misunderstanding or resentment. But getting through all of that leads to a harmonious place where you can both work hand in hand to dominate your dreams together. And think of the celebratory special cuddles when you do!
Have you been finding it hard to align your dreams with your partner?
What tactics do you use to find common ground?
Much love and till later